Lady363

“To the unmarried and to the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do.”?

(1 Corinthians 7:8)

The immortal words of St. Paul, who quite possibly had experienced the pain of separation and divorce first hand prior to penning these words, and who certainly dealt with relationship breakdowns in every church he pastored.

I seem to be at that stage of life now where all my friends are getting divorced. I’ve long passed that stage where all my friends are having their 21st’s. And I’ve passed the stage where they are all getting married, and even the one where my friends are all having children. Now I’m up to the ‘all my friends are getting divorced’ stage. I suppose the only one left after this is the ‘all my friends are dying’ stage. Not much to look forward to really.

Of course in terms of divorce I led the way. I managed to stuff up my marriage long before almost any of my peers. It’s nothing to be proud of, but at least it means that no one needs fear that I’m going to judge them. Who me? I don’t think so.

The disturbing thing for me at the moment is that it seems to be all the couples that I’ve most looked up to as couples that are now falling apart as couples!

When it come to some of the couples I know – such as where the guy deliberately gets the girl pregnant because he figures that having a child will give him the motivation to give up is heroin habit – I sort of expect those marriages to last only a couple of years at best. And yet it’s not those couples that are falling apart. It’s the marriages made up of men I admire for their integrity and courage, who are married to women who are loyal, nurturing and understanding. And most of these people are good, solid, church-going Christian folk. It’s not supposed to happen this way!

I was talking to a girl recently whose relationship had only just broken up after some 20 years of marriage. She was not a part of the church and said that she’d never be. For her the final proof of the non-existence of God was the way in which men and women had evolved with an in-built incompatibility. Her analysis was simple but profound. Men have evolved as creatures that need only to eat and mate. Women have evolved as creatures that need to nurture and nestle. Hence, not surprisingly, we find that men can’t handle monogamy and that women can’t live without it. Marriages are thus biologically doomed to failure from the outset, and the statistics on modern marriages would seem to bear her out. How could a loving God have created men and women in such a way that they were genetically geared towards their mutual destruction?

It’s a good question. Every male knows that his biological drives are not geared towards monogamy ? not lifelong monogamy at any rate. Conversely, it is unrealistic to expect women to settle for anything less than monogamy in today’s society. Does this mean that God is cruel, or is there something in the whole marriage concept that we’ve missed?

I wonder if at the heart of the problem is the assumption that we all make? That marriage is supposed to make us happy. Indeed, I suspect that most of us believe that the institution of marriage was brought into being for the very purpose of making us happy.

Weren’t we all brought up to believe that love and marriage go together like horse and carriage, and that the phrase ‘they got married’ should generally be followed by the accompanying phrase ‘and they lived happily ever after’? Perhaps that’s the problem. Perhaps we need to look beyond musicals and fairy tales to find a basis for our adult relationships.

I don’t think any of us seriously imagines that our institution of marriage came about because some individual had a ‘bright idea’ one day about how he could make everybody happy. Marriage is a social institution, and social institutions are developed because they serve a social purpose, not because they bring personal fulfillment to certain individuals within the community. Whether or not you believe God created marriage makes no difference. If He did, God did it for the sake of the community as a whole and not for the sake satisfying every individual’s social, emotional and sexual needs.

It makes sense when you think about it. What is the purpose of marriage? To create a stronger society. Strong marriages create strong families who build a stronger community. Marriages contribute stability. They contribute structure. And most importantly, marriages contribute children.

Read through your Old Testament and you’ll get the feel for what marriage is all about. Marriage is all-important because without marriages there are no children and without children there is no army. This is why baby boys are more valued than are baby girls. This is why gays get such a hard time. This is why childlessness is such a curse, and why polygamy is a far better alternative than singleness. It’s not because the individuals involved prefer it that way. Marriages are there for the sake of the community first and foremost. If an individual finds satisfaction in his or her marriage, then that’s a bonus.

So how come every time someone says ‘I’m not happy in my marriage’ we treat it as if something is horribly wrong? If someone expresses dissatisfaction with other social institutions, such as the government or the taxation system.. we don’t normally get too worked up. Maybe it should be the other way round? Maybe when we hear someone speak of their joy in marriage we should react as if they were speaking of their love of Queen and country.. giving them a sort of quizzical smile that expresses admiration without empathy.

I suppose the truth is somewhere between these extremes. Nobody would deny that the institution of marriage can be of some assistance in helping us to satisfy our individual social, emotional, and sexual needs. The truth is though that no marriage is ever going to satisfy all of those needs and desires. We human beings just weren’t created to have all our needs for companionship, security and intimacy met by one other solitary individual. We need a community.

This brings us to the positive side of the marriage-community equation. Marriages exist for the sake of the community as a whole. That’s the bad news if you thought that your marriage existed for the sake of your individual happiness. On the other hand though, the community exists to meet those needs we all have as individuals. That’s the good news.

Our individual needs for companionship, security and intimacy can be met. They just can’t be met by one solitary person. We have to learn to draw upon the group for our sustenance, and find support and affection from a variety of people within the community. I think that’s a large part of what church is supposed to be about.

So where does this leave us? Is there any hope for the modern marriage? Not so long as people look to marriage as a means to making all their dreams come true. Not so long as individual men and women look to their partners to satisfy all of their social, emotional and sexual needs. Not so long as we demand that our marriages make us happy.

Yet what would happen if we all began to approach marriage in an entirely different way. What if we began to look at our marriages as being the most significant contribution we could make to the broader community?

What if we saw the importance of our roles as parents in terms of the great good that could be achieved in the community if we bring up our children to be strong and capable? What if we stopped assessing our partners and our children in terms of the amount of satisfaction they bring us, and were able to see those relationships as being our gifts to humanity? Perhaps then we’d find ourselves saying things like ‘well, I don’t get on brilliantly with my wife, but I think we’ve managed to achieve some fine things together and that the world is a better place for our union, and perhaps that’s more important than my individual happiness’.

OK. That’s a long way from where we’re currently at in this society, but I have a feeling that it would be a better place to be.

Weight loss success for many people is a constant struggle while others seem to get it on the first try. So why do some people struggle and others breeze through this difficult challenge?

There are certain factors that seem to work against some people, like age, a lower metabolism and even genetics play a part. But these are all things that can be overcome with the right motivation, commitment, knowledge and support.

In fact, these are the secret ingredients that successful losers have, and by losers I mean those who have lost the weight and kept it off. You can find just about every weight loss tip like drink plenty of water, eat healthier foods and exercise more. All of these are great tips and will help towards losing weight. But if you struggle to lose weight then you need to dig deeper and try new ways to stay committed to your weight loss goal, gain all the right information for you, find ways to get motivated and build the proper support system.

Weight Loss Success through Commitment

My guess is if you didn’t want to lose weight you would not be reading this article. But saying you want to lose weight is just a small step to really committing to weight loss.

Increase your commitment by creating a personalized weight loss plan. Set a realistic goal, one that is something you can achieve and would be happy with. The goal can be in terms pounds, inches or body fat loss. Or it can even be by clothing size or the way you look in the mirror.

Make smaller goals that you can measure your progress by the week or month. Making smaller goals helps you stay focused and committed towards your long term goal. Plan for the week and go shopping for the foods you need and clear your schedule to allow time for your planned exercise routines.

Keep in mind that even the best made plans can change as life will give you the unexpected. Don’t let a missed day of exercising or eating right throw you off track. Shrug it off and keep on going with your plan and make adjustments if needed.

Weight Loss Success through Knowledge

Knowledge is power and with the right knowledge on your weight loss needs you can accomplish amazing results. Many weight loss programs are designed to adjust to the individual needs. Each person’s calorie intake needs and exercise needs will be different.

Your daily calorie intake for weight loss is dependent on your weight and height, age and gender and activity level. Do the proper research to first determine what your basal metabolic rate is. Then adjust your calorie intake needs for your level of activity. Once you have armed yourself with this information, then create a calorie deficit, where you consume fewer calories than you burn.

If you are able, add exercise to your weekly routine. Studies show that people who exercise and diet lose weight quicker and are more likely to keep the weight off versus those who only diet. Start out slow if you have not exercised in awhile. You should try to create a calorie deficit of 500 to 1,000 calories a day for weight loss by eating fewer calories and adding exercise. Be sure you don’t reduce calories too low or you will cause your metabolism to slow down and you run the risk of actually gaining weight.

Weight Loss Success through Motivation

If only we could buy motivation in a can we would be all set to lose the weight. Unfortunately motivation cannot be bought and is at times very difficult to find. Try looking for that certain something or someone that inspires you to stay with your weight loss and keep you motivated.

Try motivating yourself using a reward system. You can reward yourself with whatever you want but try to stay away from food as a reward. Use a calendar and place stickers or stars when you reach a goal or had a good week. Although this may seem like you are back in school, it is a visual reminder of how well you are doing. When you hit a significant goal treat yourself to a night out with your friends and family.

If you hit a weight loss plateau and feel like giving up, motivate yourself by looking back at your progress to see how far you have come. Remind yourself that plateaus are just part of the journey and to stick with it. Eventually you will come off the plateau and be on the losing end of things again. Try mixing up your exercise routine or change and add different foods to push past the weight loss plateau.

Another weight loss motivation tactic is to create your own personalized motivational saying. Even if you don’t think you are a creative person, write something down that you can relate to and get motivated by. Post it where you can read it everyday. You know yourself best and therefore can create a personalized weight loss motivation tip that will inspire you.

Weight Loss Success through Support

Support groups can be found for just about everything life can throw at you, including weight loss support groups. Weight loss can be very challenging and frustrating. Adding support to your weight loss ingredients can be the difference between getting through the challenge and giving up.

You can look for organized support groups through weight loss programs, on-line forums or chat rooms. You can also build your own group. Include your friends, family, neighbors and coworkers. Let them know you are trying to lose weight and want their support. Perhaps you and your neighbor can go walking a couple of times a week. At work, you and your coworkers can plan a “bring your own healthy meal” day at work, instead of going out for lunch.

With the right support, motivation, knowledge and commitment, you can be successful at your weight loss goals.

Successful weight loss Rules for Weight loss motivation.

As with any plan there are always rules. Weight loss is no different; after all it is a battle, a battle of mind over body and every battle has rules. Below is what I consider to be the golden rules of weight loss.

These are, in order,

• You are responsible for yourself and actions

• There are downsides as well as ups, take the rough with the smooth

• Pick the weight loss routine suitable for you

• Take the routine seriously

• And follow through to the end

You are responsible for yourself and actions

Remember, a diet is a selfish action; it is for one person and one person only. A diet should be undertaken for your own needs and desires, not others, for this reason alone it is your very person that is responsible for its success or failure. Pressure is applied more often than not by others and surroundings, but you will have to be strong.

There will be up’s and down’s

So, going with the theory that most people will take some time to realize the truth of the magic rules, the first thing that you need to do then to begin your weight loss regime, is to realize that it is not going to be an easy road to walk or run down.

There will be many tempting goodies like: cream cakes, full fat coffees, cream cheese bagels, the ever popular Burger chains and so on and so forth, littering your path. It is up to you to resist and not give in to these temptations.

I kid you not! It will not be easy so I will not even pretend that we can pass these by without being tempted one or two times and indeed giving into temptation. That would be delusion on a grand scale, and since we are for the moment at least, all about self-honesty, let’s acknowledge the fact that we will fall off the wagon, most do.

But as I said earlier, what matters is not that you fell off the wagon in the first place, but what you do with yourself afterwards. Get up, dust off those cookie crumbs and get right back on the weight loss wagon. You can do it.

And this is really what you need to realize so early on, the fact that you will fall off the weight loss wagon, and the fact that your road will be literally paved with tempting morsel after tempting morsel.

Once you can realize and acknowledge this fact for yourself, you will find that you are better armed to deal with these.

You will also find that being prepared for these little wayside problems, makes it easier for you to tackle them head on, and in many cases, makes it easier for you to turn a blind eye to temptation (most of the time).

Pick a Weight loss Routine Best For You

You have decided that you want to lose weight and you are going about trying to find a way to make this a reality.

Now you need to take a few minutes away from your busy schedule to deicide exactly what measures you can implement in your lifestyle to make it easier for you to lose weight, and also decide how much time you are willing to devote to doing this.

This might be more difficult for you than you think, but the thing is for it not to become daunting at this first hurdle.

If you have only a very minimal time frame on your hands to devote to your goal of losing weight, there is no need to despair.

Since you have already begun the crucial process, you only need to follow through with it and implement a plan that will enable you to do so despite your busy schedule.

Take things one at a time and don’t try to do everything at once. With a limited amount of time on your hands first concentrate on one aspect of your weight loss plan.

If you want to implement an exercise regime, then do so. Leave the diet plans for a later date when you are better able to deal with it, or when your exercise routine has become a set part of your life.

This way, you will be able to gradually incorporate your entire weight loss plan into your life, without having to leave anything out, or without having to feel beleaguered.

The key factor when going through with this golden rule is that you need to find the right balance of diet and/ or exercise for you, the one plan that will fit seamlessly into your lifestyle habits without taking you too out of your way.

Take the Routine Seriously

If you went through the earlier golden rule, you know that in choosing the best weight loss plan for you, you need to choose one that fits into your lifestyle.

The reason you are doing this, is to make this particular golden rule – the one about following through on your weight loss plan – a reality instead of a wish.

Many people, myself included, find it easiest to start something; it is the follow through that we find difficult, and because of this, we find it easy to let go of our ideas and plans when the going gets tough.

By choosing a weight loss plan that fits naturally into your lifestyle to begin with, you are making it that much easier for you to stay the course and to follow through on your weight loss plans.

If you look at it reasonably you will see that what I am saying makes sense. Think about it. If you have great ideas on how to lose weight and put them into action, you can be assured that for the first few days and weeks at least that you will go through with them.

But what happens when you have to break through your routine to attend to something else? Since life can never be planned out down to a T, you can be assured of getting these interruptions, and frequently, if you lead a busy life.

Well, to begin with, you would try and keep as close to your plans as possible, but there may be one or two days when you need to abandon them altogether to accommodate outside influences.

When this happens, which weight loss plan do you think you are most likely to follow through on, once you get back to your normal routine?

The one which is great, but which takes you out of your normal routine and which requires you to push and prod yourself to get back into it?

Or the one which is maybe not as great as your original grand plan, but which runs more or less parallel to your normal routine, and which you can fall into more easily because it doesn’t require you to go out of your way?

I know which one I would chose, but this is because I know myself. I know that if I had to go out of my way over and over again, if I had to push and prod myself to get into my weight loss routine every time life threw a curveball at me that I would not follow through with it.

In fact, my life to date is littered with many of these grand weight loss plans and schemes, and for myself at least, I can attest that none of these worked the wonders that they should have. The plans were sound; it was the execution of them that left a lot to be desired!

It took a little bit more of down-to-earth thinking, and my realization of the golden rules for me to lose weight successfully and keep it off.

What you need to take away from this section, is the knowledge that sometimes life will throw a spanner in the works. You will find your weight loss plans going for a six, but that doesn’t mean that you should quit.

Whether you have a “great” weight loss plan, or whether you have a not-so-great weight loss plan in the works, you need to follow through on your original plans and ideas and not give up.

It is at this point in your weight loss plans that it’s going to be all too easy to give up and go back to your old ways. Don’t.

If you think you might have trouble on the follow through, be prepared for this eventuality and plan for it accordingly.

And follow it through the end

The thing that will help you to lose weight, and will also help you to keep the weight off, is if you follow the plan through to the very end with your decision to lose weight.

In other words if you have set yourself a target weight, then stick to it. Follow through to the end, and don’t give up.

If you have been reading through the earlier sections, or if you have gone down this route before, then you know how much easier it is to start yourself on a weight loss regime than it is to continue on with it.

And you will also probably know how much easier it is to follow through on such a course if you give yourself a little nudge, than it is to see it through to completion.

Many of us, even if we do manage to successfully drag ourselves through our weight loss routine day after day, will find that it is harder to stay on track as time goes by and your goal comes ever closer.

In my case most of the time, even when I followed through to nearly the end, I found myself losing the will to continue.

This was mainly due to the fact that I was not as committed in the beginning as I could have been which in turn meant that I was only staying the course because I was forcing myself to do so, and not because I really wanted to.

And this meant that when the going got tough, I got going – in the opposite direction most times!

Since it was difficult enough to stay the course when things were happening normally in my life, it was near on impossible to stay the course when things went even slightly out of sync.

The end result? I would always, always find some way, some little loophole to exploit which would necessitate my going off my weight loss regime.

So to see you through to your weight loss target, you need to follow through, and make a conscious decision that you will see it through to the end. But you also need to have that commitment to yourself and to your goal that you will see it through to the end.

And really, it is only when you want to do this, when you have the commitment to stick with it come hell or high water, that you will find that you not only lose the weight, but you find that you also keep it off.